If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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