I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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