I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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