it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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