There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
