i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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