Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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