I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
