when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
