were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
