cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
