Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You can't motorboat a personality
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
