I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
