I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
