so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
