apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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