Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
