I seem to have left my pride at pride
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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