I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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