the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
