Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
