i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize