there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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