I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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