That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
