: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
