i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
