i think i have two assholes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize