I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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