Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
