direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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