their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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