you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize