and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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