i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
