he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I enjoy the company of your penis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
