dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
