he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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