You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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