So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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