He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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