Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
