Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
