the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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