from now on my penis is your penis
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
