It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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