That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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