We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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