I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
