After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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