I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize