An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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