I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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