I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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