i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
