i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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