I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
