Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
