i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just pee around me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
