we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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