I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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