RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
