i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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