having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
