I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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