Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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