My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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