Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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